[Wilmoth, M., B. Davis & D.
Sanders, in press 2006.
When older African-American women talk
about
breast cancer. Cancer Communication and
Aging, ed Lisa Sparks, Dan O’Hair
& Gary
Kreps. NJ: Hampton]
I always want to deal with my own body,
even if, at the time, I felt that it betrayed me,
I always want to deal with my own body.
Immediately after hearing my diagnosis, I felt betrayed,
you know, the whole thing –
shaking my fist at God and that kind of thing,
but then after that, you know, I wasn't depressed or anything like that.
There were certain things I didn't know like losing hair.
Well, you only relate that to your head.
You don't realize that you are going to be bald all over your body,
and I would stand and look in front of the mirror and just say,
"Look there's nothing anywhere."
So I was glad when my lashes grew back and that kind of thing.
And keloids, also, you mentioned keloids.
I do have a keloid on the right side.
This was the breast I had mastectomized, but I don't let any of that bother me.
I'm still the person I was before, and once you get that diagnosis,
you're never the same after that,
but you gotta keep going.
You are still the person you were before, probably even more.
Cassaundra: That's the
thing I've learned, that once you get that diagnosis, you really have a choice.
You can either give up --
Estelle: Exactly!
Cassaundra: Or you can choose to deal with it and keep
going.
The whole time I was in recovery, I would say to my
mother and my friends,
all the time,
"I want my
life back."
P: Absolutely!
Cassaundra: I want my
life back!
I want this to stop.
I want my life back!
P: You've got to demand it!
P: But I don't want that life back.
I've got a different life
now.
I've got a new life, and
I like this life better than the other one.
I'm glad I got rid of
that life.
You need to weed your garden and get
rid of the trash.
Cancer teaches you about living.
It teaches you to enjoy the wind on your face,
and you realize how green the grass and the trees are,
stuff that you just take for granted.
It's just amazing.